Wife: Hello?
Husband: Hey, honey. I tried to call you last night but you never answered. How’s your trip going?
Wife: Sorry about that; my battery died on the way here. The trip’s going great. How are you and Carson doing?
Husband: Oh, we’re okay. I just wanted to know if he usually eats all of his food.
Wife: That depends… what’s he eating, and how much did you give him?
Husband: Well, it’s some rice I found in the back of the fridge.
Wife: That rice is old and dry! Did you give him anything with it?
Husband: I remembered that you said to make sure he had plenty of fiber, so I put some tangerine pieces in his bowl, too, and fried him an egg for protein.
Wife: Rice, tangerines, and eggs?! Would YOU eat that for lunch?
Husband: No way, but kids are different!
Wife: Yeah, they’re even pickier.
Husband: Well, I have another question: do you think jumping on the couch for 10 minutes counts as a walk for exercise?
Wife: Are you kidding me? Carson is NOT allowed to jump on furniture! It’s dangerous!
Husband: In my defense, I didn’t even notice he was doing it for a long time.
Wife: Why not?? What were you doing?
Husband: Just watching a movie.
Wife: WHAT movie?
Husband: Oh, um, the last Avengers movie.
Wife: With Carson in the room?!!!!
Husband: He was jumping a lot, so I don’t think he paid much attention.
Wife: I cannot believe you! What else have you done wrong since yesterday??
Husband: (Jokingly) Well, we played “stick a fork in the electrical outlet”, he shared the dogs’ food, and I turned on the dryer with him inside.
Husband: Honey? I’m kidding. Honey! Honey?
